Is March over yet???

Its been a long week and an even longer month. I feel as though all I have done since March 5 is cry and unfortunately I am not too far off the mark. I am done with death and funerals for a very long time. It all started with my great uncle's death on February 25 and ended with my sister's mother in law's funeral today. A whole month of death, funerals and crying and I am DONE!!!! I know everything happens for a reason and GOD takes you when its your time and only gives you what you can handle but I am at my breaking point. I cannot handle another death so close to me. It broke my heart today to see my nieces cry and tell me how much they miss their mom mom. My sister told me she hopes we aren't in the same position as my brother in law for a VERY long time and I agree. I have so many emotions right now and I am mentally and emotionally exhausted. I can not honestly tell you the last night I actually slept good, let alone the last day I didn't end my day sobbing uncontrollably. Listening to my brother in law speak about his mother today was heartbreaking, it took him a few minutes to gain his composure and that is when I lost it. I tried so hard to be strong for my sister and nieces but it was difficult. I am praying for strength to get me through this very difficult time. I know I will make it but it will take some time.

I do have some good news though...ONE MONTH from today is my very last day of grad school. I will have some things to finish up before graduation but then I will be officially done!!! Can you believe it?? I can't believe its almost here! I do have a very busy month ahead with exams, certifications and papers to finish but the light is getting brighter at the end of the tunnel!! Another good thing, one of my intern projects involves interviewing people participating in programs within the Childhood Obesity Prevention Demonstration Project. After the interviews, I have been writing success stories to show the legislature the success of this project since October 2008 and 2 of my stories are online. Follow the link below to read:

http://eatsmartmovemorenc.com/News/HotTopic.html?HotTopic=COPDPnews

PS-Thank you to all my friends who have supported me through this trying month! I love you guys!

Just what the Doctor ordered

Things are slowly getting back to normal. I am slowly moving on. I have been super busy with my internship and work so that has helped me keep my mind off of things. I know that Chris would want me to move on and live my life but honestly, I feel guilty having fun and being happy. I know this part of the grieving process but nonetheless it is how I feel. To make matters worse, my brother in law's mom has been battling pancreatic cancer and as of yesterday, she has 24-48 hours left to live. So I have been anxiously waiting for my phone to ring and hear the awful news.

On to some better things....As you may recall, my very good friend, Liza had a baby girl on March 2. I was supposed to take them dinner that first weekend after they came home but because of Chris's death, I was unable to. So I took them a baked ziti and garlic bread dinner last night. I was also able to hang out and catch up with Liza and the whole time I got to hold precious Hayley:) She is such a sweet baby! She had just woken up and she was looking around with her little hand propped up underneath her chin, so precious! She did start to doze off toward the end of our snuggle time. I did not want to give her up but I had a big date with Ry at 5!! I got at Ry's and he ran right into my arms! We had such an awesome night together! We played outside, made pizza together and had a little pizza picnic in the living room while we watched Toy Story. Then we shared a piece of cake and watched Finding Nemo. I gave him a bath and he had a blast putting bubbles in my hair! I have honestly not laughed that hard in awhile and it felt good! It was a great night! Just what I needed after my past 3 weeks:)

You will never be Forgotten

Sorry it has been awhile but unfortunately life has been crazy and not good crazy. On Thursday March 5, one of my very best friends, Chris Sligar passed away from a heart attack at age 30. I can't believe he's gone. I had to fly home to New York for the weekend so I could attend the calling hours and funeral. I had to say my goodbye. Getting off the plane in Syracuse was very hard because I knew why I was there, to bury one of my best friends. I never thought in a million years that I would have to go through again. As most of you may know, my friend Brandon was killed in a car accident last June. But this time, it felt much different. Even though Brandon was my friend, he was closer to my friend Zach so I felt pain but nothing like I felt when I heard Chris had died. Now I can honestly say that I know exactly how Zach felt. On Sunday, I went to the calling hours and there were at least 2 blocks of people waiting outside the funeral home to get in and even more waiting once inside. I was fortunate to see Chris's cousin, Tammy and she took me to Joe. I collapsed in his arms crying because at that moment, it hit me that Chris was gone. Joe was able to get me up to the front of line to the Sligar family. But first, I knelt in front of Chris in his casket and said my goodbye. I spoke with his parents and his 3 brothers and 2 sisters. Each one of them told me how much Chris had loved me. I even had a cousin whom I had never met ask if I was Sara, she knew who I was because of Chris talking about me. I didn't realize how much he talked about me or how much he loved me.

The funeral was the worst experience of my life. When they wheeled the casket in with his family behind him, I lost it. I did not want to say goodbye to him. The funeral was 2 hours long and I cried the entire time. My mom had to hold me up at some points, otherwise I would have collapsed into hysterics. It was even worse at the end seeing his casket put into the hearse. I was very thankful to have my parents by my side the entire time and good friends as well. There was a get together after the funeral and I went there with 2 friends and we ate and reminisced. His family even gave me some pictures to me us Chris and I. His mom told me before I left that she would love for me to come visit when I am home again, she does not want us to lose touch. I will be sure that never happens.

Chris-I know you are probably reading this up there in Heaven. I want you to know that you were one of my best friends and I loved you very much. I honestly can' t imagine my life without you. I feel as though you took a piece of my heart with you to Heaven. I want it back when its my turn!!!! My first trip to New York is going to be difficult, I can't imagine it right now, it still hurts too much. I did promise your parents that I would come visit and I will. I also told Elizabeth we could hang out too, even though it won't be the same. She took this the hardest and I am going to try my hardest to help her through this. I am going to do my best to keep your memory alive. I only wish you knew how much you were loved by so many people. I will never forget all of our fun times in Oswego or in Carthage. Thank you for being such a great friend and now I know I have an angel watching over me in Heaven. Rest in Peace my friend. "Remembering you will be easy, I will do it everyday, but the ache in my heart will never fade away". I love you and don't you forget it!!

Typical face of Chris Sligar

Old pic of Chris

Chris and I in Oswego-Aug.08

Welcome baby Hayley!

I want to welcome Hayley Barbara Herr to the world! My very good friend, Liza gave birth to her second child, a daughter on Monday March 2. Liza was certain it was a boy but I have thought it was a girl from day 1. I guess I was right...! I would have more surprised if she had called and told me it was a boy! I am very happy for her and her husband, Jason and their son Gabe. I had the honor of going and meeting Hayley for the first time last night. She is absolutely perfect and I can't wait to watch her grow! Congrats Herr Family!!!!

Hayley- so alert!

Sleeping:)

Me holding Hayley

First time for everything

Yesterday, I had a 'first'. I was pulled over for the very first time since I got my driver's license 12 years ago! I was meeting my friend, Meda for lunch at Sweet Tomatoes (also a first!) and I ran into PetSmart quickly to check if they had something. I have been in this shopping center many times but I was coming from a different direction that I normally come. I went to turn into Sweet Tomatoes and realized too late that I was turning in the exit. And of course a cop was trying to come out!! I backed up and went into the right entrance and parked and of course he out his lights on and asked to see my driver's license. It was cold and pouring rain so he looked at it real quick and I explained that I had never been there and was not familiar with layout. He said I knew what I did wrong and let me go...phew!!! The last thing I need right now is a ticket and having to go to court. So I learned my lesson. What is up with those tiny medians and having you only being able go in and out one way? Its annoying!!!!

On the other hand, I received my cap and gown in the mail on Thursday and it hit me that I am graduating in 2 months!! Wow! I can't wait to put on that cap and gown on May 8th and receive my Master's degree!!!!!!